Saturday, September 3, 2011

A Child's World



By The Pleasant Times' Etiquette Lady. 

The Whole Duty Of Children

"A child should always say what's true
And speak when he is spoken to,
And behave mannerly at table;
At least as far as he is able."

-Robert Louis Stevenson

"Children should be seen and not heard" is a phrase we are all familiar with, though by the time most of us were born the advice was considered out-dated and no longer in practice. It has its place, however, in all modern children's lives, and I will add to it by saying that there are times a child should not be seen, either.


There are certain situations when children should participate, or at least there is no harm in them doing so, and then there are situations when children need not be present. I know that a lot of people feel that in order for a child to learn and mature, they must socialize  with adults, be included in every activity, and listen in on everything that is being said, not just once in a while, but constantly. The child is put on the same level as an adult. On the other extreme are the adults who constantly push away children, depriving them of all understanding of real life. The ideal, I believe, is in a balanced approached.
Madame Monet and Her Son
Madame Monet and Her Son
Claude Monet
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"None of your Beeswax."


Parents have their own world. There are a lot of things that are either none of the children's business (or "none of your beeswax" as we children used to remark to each other) to concern themselves with, or plainly inappropriate for children. If parents want life-long respect from their children, they need to protect their world and not let youngsters take it over. One day the child will be a parent, and then it will be their world. Until then, they should be under the authority of their parents and not equals with their parents.


Children, too, have their own world. A child should have a happy and care-free childhood to look back upon with fond delight. A child should be child-like, not childish, and as that child grows, develop a natural maturity aided by wise guidance from the parents. A child's life should revolve around the family, of course, but for as long as possible it should be one of innocence and freedom from the dark and heavy burdens of life. 


"Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." 


As children grow, and mature, then they may be more ready to shoulder the burden of information of how difficult the world is, but as children, they should be told enough to make them sober but not enough to make them despair.


Let me give you an example: A child that has no sense of how much things cost, and who is careless with the possessions of other people, and plays heedlessly, needs to be taught some idea of the value of money and the sacrifice that has been made to provide them with toys and clothing, etc. On the other hand, a child need not know how much money her parents make, what they do with every penny, exactly how much debt is crushing them or learn to bite her nails over the nervous anxiety of imagining life if her parents cannot pay the water or electric bill, or the rent or house payment. Just enough general knowledge of respect for money, trust in her parents and an instillation by training of habits of conservation verses wastefulness should suffice for many years of a child's life. A child who knows her parent's financial situation intimately will become a little judgmental, micro-managing critic whenever mother takes her shopping. She'll be utterly worried over every expenditure, and thus a quite disapproving attitude will be developed over the way she thinks her parents are handling money. Some money talk will inevitably be overheard by children when their parents talk, but heavier discussions of it should not enter the child's world.


A child who knows how rich her parents are, on the other hand, will be a demanding little spoiled princess whenever her mother takes her shopping. As I say, a training of the mind regarding finances, in a judicious manner, will be undertaken by any wise parent. A child taught to understand their own meagre finances (i.e. piggy bank and how to save, spend, how much things cost, etc.) will be better occupied than being allowed to mentally manage their parent's finances.


Children should not be concerned with things that an adult is responsible for. They should not be following their parents around with a critical eye. Children are anxious to catch their parents in a hypocrisy, and that attitude comes from getting out of their world and into their parent's world.


I agreed with the chapter in the book, The Simplicity Primer,  where the author talked about not worrying the children over impending doom-- such as the world burning up from an environmental disaster- in such a way as to render the child a nervous wreck despairing of even life itself! Explain things in a balanced way to children, in a way intended to have a practical application, too, so the child can learn a lesson or good habit from it, but do not frighten them.



Dewey vs. Truman




Dewey vs. Truman

Norman Rockwell
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A child may be taught at a young age about the danger of fire, for example, in such a way as is very dramatic and scary. The child may be so traumatized (especially if they have an active imagination!) that they will go around unplugging every appliance in the house. Perhaps instead of frightening the child, fire safety could have been emphasized, with useful application: loose papers all over their messy room are highly flammable; or that having a messy, toy-strewn floor makes it hazardous for the firemen who are coming in to rescue them! This gives the child something to do about the danger, every day, instead of being hyper and  worried.



There are some things in this wicked world that should not crash in on a child's world. I was blessed to have an innocent childhood myself; the perverse lifestyles, jail birds, drugs, and moral failings existed when I was little, but I was blissfully ignorant of them. People were people to me: old, young, some like my family and some different. This was an ideal childhood, and freed my mind to concern itself with learning other life-long lessons, such as how to brush my teeth and why we go to church. 




Be Seen and Not Heard. 


The Picture Book






The Picture Book

H.e. Jones
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In company, children should be seen and not heard. As long as the conversation is general, children will learn a lot from listening to adults talk,
if they will not interrupt or partake in the conversation unless they are spoken to. And when they are spoken to (as in, asked a question or called upon to relate something) they are to be quiet until spoken to again. I'm sure everyone has had the annoying experience of a child who thought they were on the level with adults, and took over the conversation. Such a child may think they are showing how intelligent they are, but in reality they are creating a dislike in the adult for themselves. Adults like to be treated with respect (yes, and a little awe) by children, not as if the child thought himself to be on the same level as his elders.

An example that many of us will be familiar with is Thanksgiving Dinner. There is usually a children's table at this feast, and all the cousins are seated there to talk as grown-up as possible about their child-world.  At the other table are seated the adult relatives. Many a time a child has turned to listen to the adults speak, and as long as the conversation is fit for company, there is no harm in this. A quiet child will find amusement in watching adults converse, watching their usually-serious father or grandfather crack up over some joke or long-forgotten story, and observe with curiosity smile lines only seen during belly laughs. A child might hear old wrinkled up Aunt Edna tell stories; old feeble Aunt Edna, who looks as if she has lived through three centuries-- the one with purple hair who and few teeth, -- a child may be surprised to learn that she was once young and beautiful, and married. They may hear about the time when cousin Sue was newly married and driving the car to town backwards because she didn't know how to drive, and once she had it in reverse couldn't figure out how to get the gears into any other position! Or, a child may observe sobriety and a few tears when a past generation is remembered, and about people who were vibrantly alive when the adults were children around the thanksgiving table. It does not hurt the child to hear these things, if they will sit quietly and observe and not interrupt!

Some things may need  explanation in a situation like this, and a child may want to know what a word means, or what era is being spoken of, what an outhouse is or why great-grandma had to beat off the old black rooster with a cane every time she went outdoors. Even still, a  child should not interrupt. They should be taught to keep a mental note of things they want to ask about, and ask mother or daddy on the way home, or at some other convenient time. A lot of times, things will be self-explanatory, if one listens to the whole story without interrupting. And, it is a good exercise for the child's mind to connect the dots and see if he came up with the right answer, and ask his mother or father later on. Some things, indeed, can be filed away until further notice; there are many things that I have heard about, and years later an "aha" moment came when I finally found the missing piece to the puzzle via a book.

I recall the many times that I sat on my father's lap when I was a wee thing, while a visiting minister and my father were talking about missions and churches. Most of it went over my head, but it was a privilege to be allowed to stay there quietly and listen in.

These are examples of the times when a child may be seen, and not heard.




Not Seen and Not Heard.


Goodnight



Goodnight

Arthur John...
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Then there are times when a child should not be seen, either. Examples of these times are: when you are counseling a friend over a very important or private matter, whether in person or on the phone; when you are composing letters or emails, whether or not there is something in them that is personal; when parents need to discuss something serious; when parents need to discuss something parenting-related, whether or not it directly involves the child (they can be told later when conclusions are reached); and when there is something going on that is gender-specific.



Though there are many lessons to be learned as a child, and parents want to be able to point out real-life examples and promote life-long learning, a parent need not drop everything to teach the lesson right then and there. Maybe a friend's life is falling apart, and she has come to cry on your shoulder. A child should not be present at times like this, and if he is, this is NOT the time to "seize the moment" and derive a moral lesson from it for the child. Perhaps the child need not know a thing about it, or a lesson can be given later to him on the subject, speaking in general terms.

To Seize or Not To Seize
The Orange Gatherers



The Orange Gatherers

John William...
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Well then, what about those "teachable moments?" There will be times to seize the teachable moment, and times when it is
not the moment.

A child should not delay your normal tasks and daily work with a battery of questions, demanding to know what is this and that, how this or that works, etc. He should learn to be observant, and a parent can "teach as you go" by talking and explaining while she does the work, but the world need not stop for a detailed explanation when dinner needs to be on the table by the time Daddy comes home.

Children should not interrupt important conversations between mother and father, or important and stressful tasks the adults are working on, to whine and fuss and make a general pest of themselves.

Conversations among adults should
never be interrupted for long, drawn out explanations to children. That can wait until later.

 I remember once, in response to a question, I was laughingly told "because the birds fly south for the winter" and I suppose it did not matter that I knew whatever it was right then and there. A phrase any of the
Little House book series readers will remember is "Little pitchers have big ears." That meant there are certain things that should not be talked about in front of a child.

A parent has to keep some personal privacy and dignity, and save some lessons for later. If a child needs to learn to write letters, set a good example and let him see you writing them often, but do not let him lean over your shoulder and see every word you are writing. That is called poking his nose into your business. The time for him to learn is when
you set him down to compose a letter, and there will be the opportunity for you to explain to him how it is done. Moonbeams



Moonbeams

Jessie ...
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Take some time to enjoy your children and converse with them, so that they do not miss out on important subjects and lessons, but let it be the right time, the right place, and not to the annoyance of anyone.




You are not their business, but they are your business.
The Cider Mill, 1880



The Cider Mill, 1880

John George...
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On the other hand, it is the parent's business to poke
their nose into the child's world constantly to make sure their training is "taking" and to watch out for dangers. Be consistently aware of what your child reads, watches, listens to and whom he associates with. Know who your child's friends are, and how they play, and what they say.

I might add here to avoid neighborhood children at all costs; in my experience neighborhood children are rarely raised with the same standards of language, modesty and morality as my family hold. Many parents will not send their children to pu. school as "child missionaries" because they know this may do more harm than good; well, your children are not necessarily neighborhood missionaries, either. Many worldly children enjoy "enlightening ignorance" and introducing and defining certain words  for their more innocent playmates. If you were wondering how that word made it into your child's vocabulary....
Perhaps my view of neighborhood kids is a jaded one, use your own judgement. Just be cautious!

While I am at the business of stepping on everyone's child-raising toes, let me assert here another opinion of mine: that some children are less often in their parents world and more often in their own world or that of their friends; and that some children are too often in their parent's world and less often in their own child-world, and the latter I have observed mostly in home educated children. Both are extreme statements, I find neither of them satisfactory. One perhaps is a  child who has no interest in their family life other than how it benefits them, and who resents it when their parents try to teach them something because their parents are not paid state teachers, or they have no respect for their elders, or they live in video-game land. The other is a child who has been brought so far into the parent's world that they are just plain weird, have no normal childlike desires, and when they are not in video-game land, they are sticking their little upturned noses into their parent's business. Please try to normalize your children as much as possible and spare the world these extremes!

May God grant all parents with the sight they need to see when it is wise to include their children, and when it is not the right time to take them out of their world.



Postscript:






A note about gender-specific situations: Boys should be taught to respect and appreciate loveliness; the pretty lace doily on the coffee table for example (don't fool with it and make a hole in it), a nicely scented candle (don't fool with it and scratch it with your fingernails or pocket knife!), or how nice their mother looks when she puts on her makeup and a pretty dress. They should not, however, be overly-curious about such things, and develop the un-masculine habit of making wimpy sounding remarks of "oh, how cute" or "isn't it adorable?" nor should their presence be allowed in certain situations, such as when the girls are putting on makeup or in the sewing room during a dress fitting. NO BOYS ALLOWED should be posted when the girls of the family need privacy. 

Girls, also, should not be overly into the boy's lives, or imitating a boy's speech or manner, at the risk of losing their femininity. Boys would also like to do things quietly sometimes without the pesky girls asking them thousands of questions ("interferin' women"). 

Just as children need to have a respect for parents, they need to have a respect for siblings as well. Sometimes, that means to be seen and not heard (and not have your cute little foot right on your brother's puzzle) or just plain not be seen (when your sister is reading her Jane Austen novels).


A Mother and her Children by a Stream




A Mother and her Children by a Stream

Hans Anderson...
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Friday, August 19, 2011

For Sale

 I have a cute country mother-daughter apron set for sale, new and sewn by moi.

 The mother's apron is size "ample." That means, if you are slender, you'll have to wrap the ties around and tie them in the front, as the skirt is generous and covers the back all the way around; if you are not quite as slender as you would wish to be, you can tie it in the back, the skirt still wraps around quite a ways. The skirt is 32.5 inches long from the waistband. There are 2 pockets. This is 100% cotton material.




The matching daughter's apron is 23 inches long from the waistband, has two pockets and an adjustable tie for the neck.  (Sorry about the color-- my computer deceives me on colors, but I assure you the material is more sage as above, than the green seen below. )
 The trim fabric is one of my all-time favorite materials, and I have saved the last scrap for the perfect project, which happened to be these aprons.
The mother-daughter apron set is $40.00 + postage.
I can make adjustments, such as taking up the length of the skirts, or modifying the mother apron to be able to tie around the neck than be straps attached to the waistband (some people prefer one way, some the other!) for a small fee.

Please email me if you are interested: thepleasanttimes(at)gmail.com



ITEM BELOW IS SOLD.
 Next up is an eyelet petticoat, one size fits most everyone. The drawstring waist has an elastic back. The petticoat is 35 inches long, with 5 tucks. For a small fee, I can shorten the length by adding tucks, or take some out to make it longer. The petticoat is meant to be worn under a skirt, and show a decorative, lacy edge so it should be a little longer than your usual hemline. You can wear a slip under it and make this a skirt, as well. It is easy-care cotton/poly. I am asking $20.00 + postage. Please email if you are interested, thepleasanttimes(at)gmail.com   SOLD.
ITEM BELOW IS SOLD
I am in the process of making another petticoat to put up for sale; if anyone is interested in buying one, you can order now and I can customize the length, make it for a little girl, etc. please email to inquire. thepleasanttimes(at)gmail.com

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

ON WITH THEIR HEADS

Due to the recent riots in London, I propose the following new laws:

 All rioters that have been arrested will be serving a long, long jail time.

 These inmates will go and clean up the sites they have ruined, and dig ditches, etc. for the rebuilding, while in chains.

 These inmates shall live in tents as they travel (in chains) while doing the above, even if it happens to be cold November.

 These inmates will be taken to the dump, to sort through (while in chains) the debris from the houses and cars they have burned, into piles-- piles of glass, bricks, wood, etc. -- for recycling.

Inmates shall be assembled every morning to recite the Exodus 20:1-17 in unison from memory before they will be allowed their breakfasts, which will be an unvarying diet of oatmeal.  Select, pertinent portions of the Bible (such as scriptures from Matthew 5-7) will be read to them  every week. The entire book of Proverbs will be read every month, one chapter a day.

 Inmates shall be taught a trade while serving jail time that will bring in an income. The income they receive will be used to pay for the expense of keeping them in jail (food, power, water, sewer, clothing bills and guards' salaries), as well as paying back the home/car/business owners for the destruction of their possessions, and subsequent replacement/rebuilding costs; paying for the time of the police/fire men called in to restore order, and any repairmen. The money shall also be used to pay business owners for loss of income due to business destruction, taxes owed on the property that was destroyed or damaged, until said property is bringing in an income again; the inmates will not get out of jail until these expenses are paid in full.

 The inmates' i-pods, cell phones, computers, Nike shoes, brand-name jackets, video games and other items will also be confiscated to be sold to help pay for all of the above.

All rioters shall be interviewed to find out which publicly paid program was commonly used by all of them; that particular publicly paid program shall be closed down and the public shall be spared paying taxes for something that did no good (You'll know it by its fruits). All other publicly paid programs of a similar nature which have not shown fruits of useful, self-controlled citizens shall be shut down as well. When such programs are shut down, if there are any riots or gangs formed, they will start at rule #1 above.

Any rioters on the dole shall be cut off of the dole, no public assistance monies shall ever be paid to them again the rest of their lives. Any public monies that would have come to them shall be given to care for little old ladies in nursing homes.

If, after being released, the former rioters are brought back because of any mischief, or seem unrepentant in their attitude, will not get a job, etc. they will be shipped off to serve their time in the jungles and deserts of the poorest parts of the world to come to an appreciation of how "the other half" lives. Until they are sufficiently thin and find themselves in great want of any possessions but the rags on their back, they will not be allowed back into the country.

This document shall be left open to be continually updated with extra consequences as they come to mind.

~ELIZABETH R.



Proverbs 1: 10 My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not.
 11 If they say, Come with us, let us lay wait for blood, let us lurk privily for the innocent without cause:
 12 Let us swallow them up alive as the grave; and whole, as those that go down into the pit:
 13 We shall find all precious substance, we shall fill our houses with spoil:
 14 Cast in thy lot among us; let us all have one purse:
 15 My son, walk not thou in the way with them; refrain thy foot from their path:
 16 For their feet run to evil, and make haste to shed blood.






Proverbs 4: 14 Enter not into the path of the wicked, and go not in the way of evil men.
 15 Avoid it, pass not by it, turn from it, and pass away.
 16 For they sleep not, except they have done mischief; and their sleep is taken away, unless they cause some to fall.


Proverbs 14: 16 A wise man feareth, and departeth from evil: but the fool rageth, and is confident.


Proverbs 14: 33 Wisdom resteth in the heart of him that hath understanding: but that which is in the midst of fools is made known.
 34 Righteousness exalteth a nation: but sin is a reproach to any people.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Ask Annabelle

The Pleasant Times Editor has questions about chickens for our Gardening Editor, Annabelle. Let's tap into Annabelle's backwoods wisdom and find out about...

FEEDING CHICKENS
Do you feed your chickens scrambled eggs? Why or why not?  
Well.... I think we've fed them scrambled eggs before but if I'm feeding them eggs it has usually been hard-boiled eggs and usually when they were chicks. Sometimes when we made an angel food cake and had tons of yolks left over we'd cook them in a omelet style and feed some back to them. That is a lot of protein all at once... so better spread it out. 

Do you feed your chicken venison? Why or why not? 
 No.. I don't ... because I don't have any! If I could shoot a dear in the winter , I'd have them clean the carcass (after the meat is cut off... that is good eating for people folk..) . It is a good source of protein for the  birds in winter when bugs aren't as plentiful. Joel Salatin talks about this in his books. Chickens aren't vegetarians... they do need protein and soy really isn't the greatest. If you have access to good protein .. especially in winter.. use it! This could be squirrel carcasses or rabbits... or venison. You have a lot of options. Sorry... was that not a  genteel enough subject for here?? You did ask the question.... 

Is it okay to feed chickens fish like salmon (leftovers)?  Well.... there is probably a lot of sodium in fish leftovers and it isn't good to feed them highly seasoned stuff. Also.. if they are laying eggs, you are going to end up with some interesting flavors . 

If I feed kitchen veggie/fruit scraps to my chickens, won't they quit eating the dried poultry food and not get enough protein?
 Chickens may leave off eating as much of the boring dry stuff and if they are laying their egg count will go down but they are pretty good judges of what they need. If given the options they will pick and choose just what they need. I'm assuming they also have access to bugs and worms and so forth so that helps their protein levels too.


Do chickens know which plants are poisonous to them, or do I have to keep a list around and identify every weed in the yard to make sure they don't kill themselves?     
Chickens aren't completely stupid ... they also aren't affected by some things that affect us . I had chickens eat my rhubarb leaves one year (which are poisonous to us) and they were fine. I don't think you need to worry too much. If you have something that you absolutely know is toxic.. you might want to remove it... but again.. they are pretty good judges of what they need and they are more likely to eat rat poison than kill themselves on some poisonous plant. I'm not saying it can't happen because I'm sure it has... but don't worry about it too much. 


My chick swallowed a big piece of white paper or duct tape or something before I could catch her. She didn't die, but should I panic anyway?
 ... I had a chick eat one of my earrings once... when I used to wear such things.... it didn't die but much much (years) later I had a hen with an impacted craw and we ended up just putting her down. I used to think maybe it was the earring but I have no way of knowing really because I didn't do an autopsy at the time . ;-) I don't think you have anything to worry about. If they were eating pieces of wire or metal.. then yes.. you might worry. But they should deal with the white paper/duct tape fine. I've had chicks and ducklings eat shavings at an alarming rate when they were very young and  I was always sure they'd choke eventually with all that stuff in their craw but they all did fine. There is always the chance something could get stuck.... if the chick starts acting weird... if there is swelling in front ... you might take a closer look. But if nothing has happened so far, I wouldn't worry about it.

ROOSTERS
The feed store charged me $.75 extra for a certain breed of hen. She turned out to be a different breed of rooster. Should I try and get my money back, or sue, or what?
SUE of course!!  Seriously... hmm... you could go back and point out they sold you the wrong variety and charged you extra for the privilege... but for .75 cents I think that is  more hassle than it is worth. Just eat that thar rooster down the line when he starts making a pest of hisself. ;-) Or let him play with the ladies and you get more chicks... which means you'll be getting chicks for FREE meaning you ultimately get more than the feed store ever intended. ;-)

Now that I know I have a rooster in the batch, how do I tame him so he won't be mean? He's already been pecking the others.
... Hmm.... I've never tamed a rooster before because where I live they are not allowed to crow without some serious fines being imposed. So all mine have been graduated to the dinner table at 10 weeks ... or whenever they first chose to exercise their lungs... You could tame it like any other chicken. Of course... you'd start young, hold it a lot... spend a lot of time with it.... have it eat out of your hand. But yours is already older and already aggressive. Some birds are just plain mean and there isn't much you can do. Of course I'm sure there is some Chicken Whisperer out there who could figure something out but I don't have that kind of patience for a mean bird. Keep an eye on him. 

Fertilized eggs for breakfast sounds yucky. Are there risks vs. benefits to eating fertilized eggs?
Well, if they are fresh eggs there really isn't much different at all. If you let them develop and then eat them... well.. yeah... that is kind of gross .. although it is a great delicacy in certain cultures. Anyway, they are no more or less nutritional than unfertilized eggs. 
"Nelson"

BULLIES
What do you think about putting vicks vapo rub on a chicken that is getting pecked on? Or on the bully? Does it work or does it kill the hens?
I doubt it would kill them. I've never tried it before so I can't say if it does or does not work. Don't put it on any open wounds . You could try it.... Let me know if it works!