mutiny?

A note I found on a construction task list. Every family has a comedian.
 

Birthday Ritual Musings

We have a few family and friend birthdays to celebrate in October. I'm prepping for one this afternoon. I've been thinking about the typical USA birthday traditions and wondering how they became so prevalent as they are so humiliating! Especially for children's parties. If you ponder them for a moment, you may come to my conclusion that they are odd little rituals that we could just as well leave off.

Did you ever have to endure the "birthday spanking to grow on" when you were a child? Sometimes at your birthday party in front of all the little kids? Yes, I know it never hurt, but what was the point? Is it leftover from some superstition, or just to make you wait longer for the cake?

Did you ever do "pin the tail on the donkey" or "blind man's bluff" or something similar at a party? You know, the one where you are blindfolded, disoriented, and then became the object of everyone's hilarity as you groped around?

What about birthday hats? They are awfully similar to dunce caps. 

Blowing out the candles? Who started the tradition of melting wax all over the top of someone's cake, and then asking them to blow germs all over it before people ate it?

The Birthday Song-- can you think of a more embarrassing tune? I have refused to be sung to at all for the past 4 years. It is liberating on my special day not to be the focus of that song! Or any song! I don't like standing there with everyone staring at me singing a song that I am not supposed to participate in. It is usually sung out of tune and at the wrong pitch (nobody tunes up before they start singing it, have you noticed?) and led at a glacial pace. It drags, it sags. Folks, it's just not working anymore. But please don't substitute anything; it's just plain embarrassing to be sung at. 

Now I realize that some folks are just sentimental and these things are part of their good memories. For example, my family still has a shrunken, melted mass of plastic that decorated a cake top for 55 years. It was originally a little cowboy on a horse, from a set of toys. It rode to the top of a child's cake and continued to be exposed to flames until the poor horse and rider were unrecognizable to anyone not "in the know." But to have that melted mass on the cake was important to grandpa, to give him a good feeling I guess, and good memories of his family's birthdays gone by. Maybe I am not that sentimental.

I think that Americans are more and more "think outside of the box" type people and can come up with better birthday traditions, as indeed a lot of families have. When I was growing up, we got to pick a birthday trip in our beautiful and diverse state of Oregon. The coast, the desert, the state's tallest mountain and the world's deepest lake were all a few hours away for an afternoon to remember. I count my teen years by which places we were at for each birthday.

My own family have rather quiet home birthdays, partly because of construction (I have a lot of photos with messy or unfinished backgrounds!). We pick out a special meal, and a dessert. We sometimes have a pie instead of a cake (today we're making a chocolate cake upon request. Last year it was donuts!). My children have grown up with a candle in their own personal slice because we are germphobes (but still I wonder why we do even that candle thing?). We don't have humiliating party games. I can't get my better half to quit singing the birthday song to the kids, but if they are young enough they will sink under the table while it is sung. So I suppose we have a foot in the past, but I am open to other ideas!

Which humiliating birthday rituals have you left off? What have you substituted?

 

Why We Still Need Large Families, or Warnings For New Homeschoolers

 We may not have multi-acre farms to take care of anymore, which is supposedly the reason that folks had large families in the old days. I find, though, that as a second-generation homeschooling family we need a lot of people in the house to make it through life. Let me explain what I mean through a bit of advice and experience.

If you are newly homeschooling (the on-your-own kind, not virtual public school) you will find yourself a little giddy the moment you realize that you have freedom-- freedom from schedules imposed on you by others. Sometimes it takes a while before it dawns on you that you can do your weekend stuff on a weekday, and avoid the crowds. This applies to shopping or vacationing. 

After that comes the idea that you can go somewhere--anywhere-- because your school is on your own time and portable. This realization creates a huge desire to travel- educational travel. If you can't travel the globe, at least you could drive around to all the historical sights in the continental US. You need an RV or some kind of trailer to make that work, so you start renovating one or building one. Then you might get the idea to do a blog or a YouTube channel to document the crazy project. This is because after homeschooling a while, you start to get entrepreneurial.

That's right, you will start enterprises that stretch you thin, attempt huge projects that require manpower, and get ideas in the middle of the night of family businesses and creative ideas that are totally "out of the box" and make you so excited you can't sleep. This is often why homeschoolers are night owls. And this is why you need more people. 

You have to have someone to learn to repair and operate those strange things you pick up from auctions-- printing presses or industrial leather sewing machines or other gadgets that strike your fancy for starting a home business. You have to have a teen who can program computers, do graphic design, and troubleshoot internet problems so you can have a website. You have to have a social media secretary, a photographer, content editor, and illustrator for all those books you write. You have to have a cook, car mechanic, plumber, electrician, and divvy chores amongst them all so your laundry doesn't edge you out of the house. You have to have several drivers to deliver goods or go to the post office. You have to have someone who can spin and weave and sew clothes. You have to have these things in-house because as homeschoolers, you start to get a frugal DO IT YOURSELF mentality and how great it would be for the kids to know these skills.

I warn you: it's just a matter of time before you, the new homeschool family, become a homesteading family as well. You will not only be schooling at home, you will be cooking at home (from scratch), growing your own garden, and pretty soon here come the chickens (or goats). You will need more land and start looking around for a small farm, because your kids really need to live an amazing life in the country. Off-grid.

Then you might start thinking that you need to build a house, or a tiny house, or a series of tiny houses (one for each person), because that would be such a cool experience for the kids (free labor). At least you will need a barn because horses or cows might show up next. Here comes the tractor, Dad needs extra hands with the haying, and mom needs help with the cooking. You are still holding down a regular job, but at least you know that the kids are putting up the solar panels while you are at work.

As you may have gathered, half a dozen children are not enough for such feats. 

As the kids grow up and leave home, the homeschooling parent does not cease to need all this help. Your kids may have grown and left the nest, but you are still full of ideas, still running a home business, now more dedicated to eating organically from your own sustainable farm, and still collecting educational books (a habit). You still have homeschooling energy and have to do something with it. Technology has probably gotten weirder for your to figure out, and you still need ten year olds around to help you find the phone button on your new phone. 

So you see, the second generation is needed to help the non-retiring homeschool grandma and grandpa, as well as being essential to their own family's home business/farm/chores. This is why it is good to have children spaced out for at least a decade (better two), so that while you are waiting for grandchildren to grow up and come back and help your family business you still have some at home. Make sure that you encourage your married children to have at least ten kids each, because not all of them will live close by.

My Coronavirus Predictions

I have not benefited from all the forced "down time" that people are enjoying, as my normal life at home is so busy that nothing has changed for me. But in the wee  hours of last night, when there was "spare" time, I decided to try a new talent out: prophesy. Let's see how I do.

My Coronavirus Predictions
(short term and long term, in no particular order other than how they came to me)

• This will permanently change the way our society conducts business, holds school, etc., as  having a break from the everyday "rush" and sleeping in will be a relief to many and they will not want to go back to the stress. 

• Since businesses will be more online and most people will opt to continue working from home, brick-and-mortar stores and offices will dwindle, perhaps being converted into apartments.

• The nation's internet infrastructure will be extended and improved. Therefore, the next attack on the American People will be through their internet or infrastructure. 

• The school system will re-structure and try to get their students back from the land of Sleeping In. There will be a huge push to get parents to cooperate (as in, go back to getting up early) and put their kids back in schools. This might take a lot of advertising, pressure, and/or new legislation. 

• There will be more homeschoolers than ever, and more stay-at-home-moms long term. 

• I haven't checked in on coffee sales, but they are probably going down in lock-down states where people are sleeping in. My prediction is that people will get used to no set schedules and sleeping when they want and how long they want, that they will need less coffee to stay awake. 

• The majority of current office-holders will NOT be re-elected.

• There will be a Baby Boom starting in January/February 2021, especially in the lock-down states. These future taxpayers will be the ones to pay for the 2 trillion dollar bail-out. 

• Some parents are actually going to name their boomer baby boy "Covid" and their girl "Corona."

• Right now, Americans are living off of fear. Especially our senior citizens. But in a few weeks Americans will tire of all this, and a sort of bravery will be born, better than endurance. Many women will be the first to be brave for their families, turn off the news and start to try to make a normal life for their families. Men will follow soon after and quit being afraid of getting sick and running out of toilet paper, and turn their mind to manly endeavors and new inventions to fill needs. Seniors will eventually find their resilient selves, except for many senior women, who are vulnerable to deep and lasting fear. It will take them longer to recover from the news.

• Social distancing will be here to stay. Even the way we park our cars will change (as seen already by people social-distance parking). We didn't like the closeness anyway. We might start bowing to each other from 6 feet away, and the friendly wave will replace the hug. 

• We will never, as a nation, run out of toilet paper.

• Our kids will look at us (and our collecting habits...) the same way we looked at our grandparents who went through the depression. 

• This spring will sprout more gardeners

• Farmers and Ranchers will be the best off physically and mentally by the end of this.

• Freedoms taken away will never come back. More orders will come down the pike to keep us in practice of doing things en masse. 

• There will be found new freedoms that we didn't know we had. 

• Blogging will increase.

• YouTube will start charging people to start a channel.

• Hyperactive kids are getting more sleep and more play time. Some will be medicated a little less here on out.

• The majority of people in the nation will take the new vaccine for the 2019 virus at the end of 2020, and the social pressure to do so will be immense. 

• Instead of just thanking God for our food, we'll ask Him for it in the first place. 

• There will be more socialization than ever in person (as a reaction to everything being cancelled now), but it will be rather awkward as we will be a nation of germophobes.

• People will be thinking about their health, their wallets, and physical safety but still won't think about their souls. 

Reply to Ye Olde Christmas Letter

Duval-Lecamus 

Buy This at Allposters.com

Mrs. Jones reading the reply

Dear Friends the Joneses,

How nice of you to go to all that trouble to send us a card, seeing how busy you are. And thank you for the long letter updating us on the doings of your family. The paper was such nice, fine quality. It was a pity to throw it away but we had to use it to light the kindling in our little tin-can stove. It is the only heat source we have now, in the garage, since our home burned down this year, just before the snow storm hit.

Congratulations to you for your new son-in-law, and that your daughter married so well. It sounds like you are enjoying your grandchildren. We are, too, since the job market crashed and all the kiddos moved back home-- with all 17 grandchildren. Fortunately they think tent camping in winter is "fun."

Our in-laws have parked their RV close by, so we have some access to plumbing and running water. Since my son's father-in-law lost his job, they have been strapped for cash. We felt that it would only be fair to let them stay in the driveway and enjoy their grandchildren, too. We are hoping that the landlord will see fit to take our collected rent and let us stay a little while longer, since we can't go anywhere else as gas prices are high and we only have one car now, since we sold the others to buy food.

I hope you don't mind us re-using the front of your Christmas card. The post office forgot to cancel the stamp, which was a boon for us. You are the only person to get a card from us this year-- until the post office forgets to cancel another stamp.

If you are ever up this way, be sure to drop by and say "hi." We'll put more water in the soup for you.

We are sure you will have a warm and merry Christmas.

-The Smiths

Ye Olde Annual Christmas Letter

Good News from...
George Smith
Buy This at Allposters.com


Dear Jane and John,

Well hello again, friends. It has been another fantastic year. I hope you enjoyed it! Our family grew by leaps and bounds again this year-- we were so busy we met ourselves coming and going!

Our daughter's wedding in France was beautiful-- it was quite a feat not just to host 600 people for a wedding, but to get them on planes to the wedding was something else! She pulled it off beautifully. It was a good thing the chateau was large. And here we have yet another son-in-law that is a millionaire. Our daughter continues in her highly successful career as a consultant, and she is often called away from her Island home in the Mediterranean to fly all over Europe and offer her advice.

Our second son graduated this year with all the usual honors from Harvard, Yale, and Cambridge all in one month! You can imagine how tired he was from all that studying and traveling. He is excitedly looking toward the future as he starts his new job in a prestigious law firm. He is already on track for the presidency and sure that in a couple years he'll win an election. Pretty good for a 15 year old.

Our youngest boy-- the baby of the family!-- is really into sports. He's won every major competition in swimming, basketball, biking, skateboarding, track, skiing, hockey, soccer, football, figure skating, volleyball, baseball, chess, and Frisbee. His coaches are talking about sending him to the Olympics. If so, that would make 3 of our kids who have competed in that venue.

My Uncle Hal won the lottery again!! That makes twice! Can't believe the luck of that man! We enjoy having him around-- he was a 5 star chef and he makes the most wonderful meals for us. We want him to retire and stay with us forever, but he is in much demand in Hollywood.

Hubby and I continue our busy week of work, he has been with his company for so long they are naming the new office building after him, and I am still called upon again and again to run the bank. I guess a person of my abilities can't be done without! But I have to get off work early so I can oversee the construction of our new house. This is our 5th custom home, and I think I'm beginning to be an old pro at being my own general contractor.

The new home will be our biggest yet, as we are expecting to host a lot of family gatherings, now that our oldest has had their 3rd child. Yes, we are grandparents yet again. All the little ones have far exceeded the normal milestones; Ace was supposed to enroll for kindergarten, but the teachers in 2nd grade begged to have her there! Topp is reading already-- at 2 years old. This isn't a surprise as his Daddy already was writing up his thesis at 2 1/2, and his Mother had cut an album of original songs by that age. And the new little baby is as bright as they come, so they named her Starr.

Lest you think it is nothing but work, work, work around here, we did enjoy 5 weeks of vacation this year, besides the wedding (which I don't think you can call a vacation!). Two relaxing weeks we spent at our summer home in Aspen. Then we spent some time visiting friends in Italy, and took a hop over to India and enjoyed a resort. Then off to Australia! You can imagine we were glad to get home and take a rest! But with the Christmas holidays upon us, we will be glad to take some time off of the hustle and bustle and celebrate the New Year on our Yacht in the Caribbean.

We hope that your family has a happy holiday!

-The Joneses

Hi Smiths-- how are you poor people doing this winter? I heard you had 6 feet of snow and no power for a week! Hope you stay warm!

The Modern Way To Clean Out The Basment

First, get an early start. Pull out everything you can to make a path through it so once you get in, you can get out. By the time you are done with this, your friend next door will be awake and texting you, so you can have a break and answer her text and then send her a picture of the massive project you are undertaking. If your friend liked the photo, it might make a neat Facebook update, so upload the photo to Facebook, and put a clever caption on it-- "boy I need a Starbucks right now..." 

Look at the mess again, decide where to start. Move a box. Say, it might be a good idea to have "before" and "after" photos-- so take another picture of the mess and upload it to Instagram. 

Now a few comments are trickling in on Facebook. Some of them are very clever-- answer with some cute replies of your own before going back to work.

Pick up the old lampshade, and wonder whether to keep it or toss it, then wonder why you wonder whether to keep the out-of-style thing!  Say, this project might make a great blog post: "How to stoicly let go of useless objects for a cleaner house." Take pictures of  a few items that you might want to toss, to post on your blog. 

It isn't any good typing a whole post on a smart phone! Besides, it must be almost lunch time. So go in the house to fire up the laptop so you can do some decent typing. Get out the tablet to look up a good lunch recipe. 

After lunch, and typing your post, uploading photos, getting on Photoshop to crop and write quotables on the photos, searching your affiliates for any links that could be useful in your post, and looking up to see if "stoicly" is a word since the spellchecker seems to think that it isn't (you know you've heard it used before), publish the post, then read and edit it for the things you left out or shouldn't have left in. 

By now your friends on Facebook have simmered down, but there are some comments on your Instagram that could be answered. 

My, you didn't realize that the sun was getting lower in the sky. You really got distracted!  But at least you have a great blog post to show for your time. 

It's time to get back on task, but you just don't feel like it. Maybe a jaunt over to Pinterest to look up "Organization" boards will inspire you. Say, there are some really good ones there that you should add to your own boards, and some pictures to embed on your latest post. 

Well, it's time to get down there in the basement (or up there in the attic) and start following all that good advice you wrote about on your blog-- at least with the time left you can start a pile to take to the thrift store. Oh wait, your friend is texting you to say that your blog post is great! I'll bet there are some comments on the post already. Better check to see.

It's dinner time now, and you are getting awfully tired-- mostly your eyes hurt. You only moved one box and a lampshade. Well, Rome wasn't built in a day! I'll bet those Romans never had to clean out a basement anyway. They probably filled it in with dirt and built on top of it. Yeah, that's what they did!  That's why we have archaeologists today-- to clean out those old basements. 

The Modern Bible Bookshelf... or shelves

Painting from Wikimedia Commons

Nowadays, there is a Bible to suit every age, every occupation, every hobby, every doctrine, and every situation.

You grow up on the Toddler's Bible, the Children's Version, the Tween Bible that reads like a comic book, and the Teen Bible for Girls that reads like a fashion magazine. Then when you are an adult, you can get the Engaged Couple's Study Bible, the Young Marrieds Bible, the Mother Of A Newborn Bible, and the Parent's Guide Bible. Don't be tempted to start thinking that you can recycle those old children's Bibles so that you won't need to buy another bookshelf, because the next generation is more modern than you are and they will need their own versions of kid's Bibles in all the latest graphics and colors.

Then of course, as you are reading to the children from their assorted Bibles (a different one for every age), you are probably reading the Parent's Guide Bible; but you need to feed your soul, too, so you have to get your own editions that follow your interests: The Bible- Video Game Edition, The Knitter's Bible (the one with devotionals, not stitches), The Chef's Bible, Traveler's Bible, Writer's Bible, Fly Fisherman's Bible (contemplations on Fly Fishing and Fishing for Men), Hunter's Bible or the Nature Lover's Bible.

Don't forget your occupation, too: The Computer Programmer's Bible, the Teacher's Bible, the Lawyer's Bible, and the like. Oh, and now that the kids are in school,  they need the Student's Bible, Locker edition. And as life throws you all kinds of responsibilities and unforeseen events, you may need the Debt Relief Bible, the Moving Bible, the Weight Loss Bible, and the Caretaker's Study Bible. Then of course you may want the Busy Person's Bible, the Split-Second-Glance Bible, or the Bite-Size Bible for those times when there isn't time.

Then as the kids get older, you will buy them the New Driver's Bible, High School Grad's Bible, and the College Bound Bible, Dorm edition. You will need the Empty Nester's Study Bible, and the Second Career Seeker's Devotional Bible, and they will need to start on the Devotional Bible track as mentioned above, with the addition of the New Job Seeker's Devotional Bible. Then as you get older, there will be the Retirement Bible, the Social Security Bible, and the Nursing Home Bible.

You can also get Bibles with notes from your favorite contemporary authors or preachers in the margins. Don't forget to make room on the shelf for their best-sellers, as the Bibles are companions to their more in-depth devotional, self-help, sermon books, and novels. As the children leave home and move around, they will need somewhere to park their old Bibles, so you better make room on the shelf for those, too.

Let's not forget in all this which version to read. You may have started with your Grandpa's archaic version, but now you have so many more to choose from: The updated versions, the simple language versions, the easy-to-read versions, and the one that reads like a novel (compiled by your favorite authors, with their transitions written between the scriptures to make it "flow"). You may want to try them all until you find one that says what you want it to. It is a hop, skip and a jump from there to a paraphrase, which will also get simpler over time. I have noticed that paraphrases and simple-to-understand Bibles often take more words to express something than the older versions, but I have no doubt that there will come a "few words" version of the Bible to make it even more desirable to read. And of course, you want to get the ones that are printed just for your particular denomination.

I wonder why there are all these Bibles for all these different interests, but not any for some of the other things or people that need specialized, focused Bibles? Maybe they are out there, I just haven't seen them yet. The Blogger's Bible, The Occupy Wall Street Devotional Bible, The One Percent Bible, The Jane Austen Devotional Bible, The UFO Sighter's Bible, or the Backyard Chicken Lover's Study Bible?  I wonder if a Bible Publisher should contact me for my ideas. It might be a profitable business to be in.

If I were to have some customized Bibles published, one would be The Dishwasher's Bible: a short, thick Bible that stays open on the windowsill above the sink, with large print and waterproof pages and ink. Hey, I think I just invented something there.

Now what do you think that girl in the painting is doing? I think she's saying "I'll keep my plain little old HOLY Bible, thank you very much."

The Latest Trend

The Mrs. Wiggins look is back in style now (okay, maybe not the hair-- yet) at a mall near you. Hobble skirts, anyone?




(I know that skirt is not termed a hobble skirt, but maybe it should be!)

*

Today I would like to share with you this beautiful painting, done by Federico Andreotti  of Italy**

I just love the elegant gown on the lady!***

It looks like a fancy gown for walking in the garden and reading letters! She looks as fine as if she were going out to some event, or to the opera.****

I love the color of the gown, that sky blue,*****

and the satin reflects the light so well.******

She looks very cheerful, with roses in her hair.*******

And isnt' the background lovely?******** 

I hope that you enjoyed this pretty painting as much as I do!*********

(Painting: The Love Letter by Frederico Andreotti, from wikimedia commons)

*Written for the benefit of many blogging friends. Make sure you cover all the bases. 

**Today I am favoring an Italian artist, but not that I have anything against artists from anywhere else, like, for instance, France, though some in this country refused to eat French Fries for a while (and I suppose that French chefs would scorn to eat our French Fries themselves) I have nothing against the French personally, or their painters, or their food, and do not participate in any animosity towards the said country, I just chose this painting today. Though I have no Italian in my blood, I do like Italian things, especially pasta and pizza. Not that American pizza is like the original-- though I am not saying anything bad about American Pizza vs. Italian Pizza (not that I have ever had the real thing-- that is to say not that Americans do not have the real thing either--) because I am sure, well, "to each his own." And of course we always like to try something new here. 

***not that I think that everyone ought to wear elegant evening gowns, on the contrary, I think that everyone should just wear what is appropriate to themselves. 

****I am not condoning wasting time going places in elegant gowns, nor am I condemning going to the opera. I realize that the operas have terribly wicked story lines, but I am sure that some people just enjoy the music. If you go to the opera on a regular basis, please understand that I am not against you, but if you are against the opera, please understand that I am not condoning the plot lines of operas, or the lives of the operatic singers. Not that I am against operatic singers in general, nor those who have a vibrato to their singing voice. And if you enjoy going places in elegant gowns, that is your right to do that with your time.

*****I am not making a statement against any other colors, or trying to put forth this particular blue above all other hues of blues. Nor am I bashing anyone's favorite color choice. 

******not that satin is the best material to reflect light. I also want to make a statement here that I am all for durable fabrics, of which satin is not one, and would not recommend satin for regular use. Not that I go around doing that, or know by experience, but I am afraid that someone out there will think I am promoting satin instead of sturdy cotton. Not that I am for cotton and against linen or wool, you understand.

*******I realize it is impractical to wear roses in your hair all the time, I am sure this lady did this just for the painting, and did not go around trying to wear flowers. Also, in the old days the roses were not sprayed with pesticides, and I would caution anyone today putting roses in their hair that have been sprayed with pesticides. And I apologize for the lady in the painting if she did not cut the roses herself, but had her gardener do it, so as to be wearing roses off the backs of the poor. My hopes are she harvested them herself. Not that I am against people who prefer to hire themselves out as gardeners. Also I do not condone the death of ostriches to harvest the feathers, or poachers who do so. On the other hand, I am not promoting ostrich feather farms, but if you happen to be an ostrich farmer that is your choice and I am not condemning you. 

********not that I am all for people living in the country as opposed to the city-- I think that certain people could be equally happy in either place. If this is a rich lady on her estate, I apologise, because I do not believe in slavery. However, I am not assured that this is a rich lady, though it is highly likely. And I am not sure she has slaves. Not that I have anything against rich people, I'd sure like to be rich myself, but not that I have anything against being poor and I am poor myself (currently) not that I want to complain or anything. 

********* My readers must understand that they do not HAVE to enjoy this painting, I just HOPE they do, I realize that everyone has different tastes, and I respect the right of all my readers to have different tastes in artwork, however I think something is beautiful I do not insist that everyone find it beautiful. In acknowledging that I keep the right to find  things on your blogs beautiful or not, according to my tastes, not that I am against your blogs at all or you blogging about paintings that you think are beautiful. I respect your right to blog beautiful pictures, and I just want you to know that. 

The Victorian Era

Don't miss this enlightening article on page 2.

So That's Where All the Money Goes!

The Social Security Hole, found on Google Maps. (click to enlarge)

My Kind of Motivational Posters

I am getting such a kick out of these posters. Well done!

Home-made... always better!